Don’t take it personally

I was contacted today by a family member of someone I have in my family tree and while the message was short and to the point, it was neither sweet nor professional. It was downright rude! We did, however, end on a good note with them providing an explanation that my tree had no Source information for a particular person and me letting them know I just had not had time to add it due to a very busy life these past few months.  

I can understand a point of view from a family member; mainly because they are closest to the person and, thus, have a high emotional stake that sometimes sees your tree as their personal family story rather than the historical research that it is. The last comments from the message sender, “I knew them in life, and I know where the bodies are buried” nearly made me cry. They simply want their loved one remembered in the “right” way. My family tree was their family story.

I do not take messages like this personally and always respond with respect and genuine compassion. Their loved one has passed on and sometimes, all they want is for a name or other detail to be “right” as the way they remember their loved one.

However, no one is under any obligation to change their family tree for anyone. You are also under no obligation to provide your sources to anyone. Each researcher has the freedom to build and research their own family tree and to provide accurate, detailed information about people in their tree or to provide little, wrong, or no information at all about the people in their family tree. And while I do not recommend the latter, I do acknowledge the rights of individuals to their own family history – the way they want it, not the way someone else wants it.  

All researchers have access to the same historical information and can look it up for themselves. We should not rely on others family trees as our source for information. That is supplied in the form of historical documents and that is what we should be chasing – documents, not trees.  

Genealogy can uncover very sensitive, high-stakes emotional information, and unfortunately, we can find ourselves in the middle of a situation where objective research meets intense personal feelings.

So, how is the best way to handle it professionally while protecting our own peace?

Understand the Perspective of the other person

High emotional stake

• Protection Mode: When people feel that a family story, a deceased loved one, or a secret is being "exposed" or “handled” by someone else, they often react with aggression to maintain control.
• Ownership vs. Sharing: You see your tree as historical research; they see it as their personal family story or their family privacy.
• Shock: They may be dealing with the shock of a new discovery that you have known about for a while.

How to Handle It (Professional vs. Personal)

You do not owe anyone a reaction that mirrors their rudeness. And you should never subject yourself to abuse.

• Take a Breath: Do not reply immediately. Let the anger fade so you can respond with a cool head.
• Set Boundaries: It is entirely okay to respond, "I understand this is a sensitive topic, but I would appreciate it if we could discuss this respectfully.”
• Validate, then redirect: Acknowledge their feelings without agreeing with their tone.
• Example: "I understand this is very emotional for you. My goal in my research is to accurately document family history. If there is a specific error in the facts, I am happy to correct it with your documented proof.”

The "Genealogy Ethics" Factor

Because you are dealing with close, living relatives of the deceased, genealogy guidelines suggest a gentle approach.

• Privacy First: If the person in question is alive, and their information is not public, consider setting your tree to private or hiding living people.
• Facts vs. Feelings: You are responsible for the accuracy of your facts, but you are not responsible for their emotional reaction to those facts.

Separate their hostile delivery from the core message. It is uncomfortable, but you have the upper hand by staying calm and professional.

If they continue to be rude, you are under no obligation to continue the conversation at all. If you feel a response is necessary, you can simply state, "I am happy to provide my sources if you wish, but I will not engage in hostile communication," and then disengage. Most platforms, like Ancestry, offer the ability to block or report the person.

I wish you all well in your genealogy journey!

Genealogical Mélange

I wrote about Henry Clay in February. His will, written in 1749, named his children and heirs, one of them being his daughter, Amey Williamson. Researching her, I learned that her first marriage was to William Green Sr. and her second marriage was to Benjamin Williamson. Interestingly, William and Amey Clay Green’s grandson, John Green, is buried at the David Alexander Yarboro home place in Montgomery County, North Carolina.

The Green family came to Montgomery County, North Carolina from Amelia County, Virginia. In Virginia, they intermarried with surnames Cowels, Cheatham, Marshall, and of course Clay. 

Quite the Genealogical Mélange of families!

Most of this Green family look to have remained in Virginia, at least the earlier generations did. Some moved into Granville (Bute) County, North Carolina like Martha Green, the daughter of William Green Sr. and Amey Clay. 

Martha is the Aunt of John Green who is buried at the David Alexander Yarboro Homeplace in Montgomery County, North Carolina. Her brother is believed to be William Green Jr. who died in Richmond County, North Carolina in 1818. 

Martha Green married William Williamson in Amelia, Virginia in 1750. I do not know who William Williamson is, but most trees think he probably descends from George Williamson (m. Hester Bridger) who was the Uncle of Benjamin who had married Amey Clay Green. 

Martha and husband William Williamson migrated to North Carolina where William died in 1769 in Bute County, North Carolina (formed from Granville in 1764 and split into Warren and Franklin in 1779). Martha remarried to Peter Cox Moore who died in 1790 in Warren County, North Carolina leaving three of the Williamson children, Green, William, and Patience, his entire estate. No children were born to Martha and Peter that I could find. It looks like the Williamson children, after Mother Martha died about 1809, all headed to either Georgia or Tennessee after their brothers and other Green relatives.

As I continued to build out the family tree for Amey Clay and her two husbands, William Green Sr. and Benjamin Williamson, whom it looks like she had no children with, I ran right into Benjamin’s brother, Francis Williamson Jr., who had married Martha Harris, the sister of West Harris Sr. of Montgomery County, North Carolina. Martha was listed as Martha Williamson in the 1733 will of her father, Edward Harris, and received a linen spinning wheel from his estate.

Benjamin Williamson, who was the second husband of Amey Clay Green, is the son of Francis Williamson Sr. who died in Isle of Wight County, Virginia in 1743 and the brother of Francis Williamson Jr. who had married Martha Harris, daughter of Edward Harris and sister of West Harris Sr. 

Francis Sr’s will list all his children, except for Francis Williamson Jr. as he died in 1736, a few years before his father. His will also lists several grandchildren, most of them being the children of Francis Williamson Jr. and Martha Harris. 

Executors named: sons, Arthur and Benjamin

Witness: James Simmons and Thomas Williamson 

Named in the will of Francis Williamson Sr.: 

Wife, Ann (note: daughter of William Exum Jr.)

Son, Arthur

Son, Joseph

Son, Benjamin

Granddaughter, Mourning Williamson

Daughter, Martha Atkinson

Grandson, Francis Williamson

Granddaughter, Elizabeth

Grandson, Jesse Williamson

Grandson, Arthur Williamson

Granddaughter, Martha Williamson

Grandson, Burwell Williamson

Grandson, Joseph Williamson

Grandson, Hardy Williamson

Grandson, Absalom Williamson

Grandson, Benjamin Williamson

Grandson, James Williamson 

Thomas Williamson, who witnessed the will, is most likely the nephew of Francis Williamson Sr. Thomas’s father was George Williamson, brother of Francis Sr. and his mother was Hester Bridger. Thomas married Susannah Carter, daughter of Giles Carter.

Francis Williamson Sr’s parents were Doctor Robert Williamson and Joan Allen, the daughter of Arthur Allen who owned what became known as “Bacon’s Castle,” the oldest brick dwelling in North America. The house was built for Arthur Allen and his family in 1665 and was originally known as Allen’s Brick House but years later earned the moniker “Bacon’s Castle” because in 1676 several of Nathaniel Bacon’s men occupied the home for four months during the uprising that became known as Bacon’s Rebellion. The site is owned and operated as a historic house museum by Preservation Virginia and can be visited by the public. 

Littleton Harris, who is probably the son of EtheldredHarris and the grandson of West Harris Sr., married Temperance Williamson in the early 1800s. Littleton and Temperance made their home in Montgomery County, North Carolina. There is no documented proof that Temperance’s maiden name was Williamson, but rather, her maiden name was handed down by the older generations of family members.

Temperance was born around 1785 in North Carolina according to the 1850 and 1870 Census records. She married Littleton Harris probably in Montgomery County around 1803. Littleton died in 1845 making Temperance a widow. The 1840 Census (page 252) shows Littleton and Temperance living in Montgomery County, North Carolina and their neighbors are shown as Eli Harris and Jesse Smitherman who lived in the northwestern end of the county near the Randolph and Moore County lines. The 1830 Census has Littleton Harris on page 42 with neighbors named as Solomon Ballard and William Callais (Kellis). There is no 1820 Census for Montgomery County. In 1810, Littleton and Temperance are living next door to Etheldred Harris and Jarrot (Jared/Jarrett) Harris which makes more sense based on land records showing that Littleton lived in present-day Eldorado, North Carolina on McLeans Creek and Uwharrie River.

Land grants show that Littleton had two grants. One dated 1806 for 125 acres on both sides of McLeans Creek joining Etheldred Harris and another in 1820 for 75 acres on McLeans Creek and joining Etheldred and Jarrot Harris and William Hearne.

Looking at early Montgomery County, North Carolina Census records, I wanted to know if any Williamson’s lived in the county and while I did find a Thomas H. Williamson on the 1800 Census record old enough to be Temperance’s father, there was no daughter listed as living in his household. His neighbors were Edward McCallum and William Kelly.

Allen Williamson Sr. between ages 50 - 60 (born about 1785) is listed on the 1840 Census (page 246). His neighbors (if the Census was done in order of house) were William Green Jr. and John Richardson Jr. An estate file in Montgomery County shows Allen Williamson died about 1846. Edmond Hearne administered the estate. Mary Williamson was shown as purchasing several items from the estate sale.

Allen Williamson Jr. between ages 20 – 30 (born about 1815) is listed in 1840 as well (page 235). His neighbors were Thomas Shaw and Wilson Cupples.

Mary Williamson between ages 50 – 60 (born about 1785) is also listed in 1840 (page 234). Her neighbors were James Lucas and James Poe. 

DNA matches from two descendants of Littleton and Temperance Harris show many matches who descend from the Williamson family of Isle of Wight County, Virginia. Most of those matches are descending through George Williamson and Hester Bridger. George is the Uncle of Francis Williamson Jr. who married Martha Harris, the sister of West Harris Sr. A few matches show descent through Arthur and Joseph Williamson, the brothers of Francis. These matches to collateral lines are important because the DNA can be easily separated from the Harris DNA because these lines (George, Arthur, and Joseph) did not marry Harris descendants nor did their descendants (as far as I can tell). More digging into DNA match trees is required before I can be confident of the Williamson connection, but on the surface, it does appear that Temperance may have carried and passed down Williamson DNA to her descendants.

If you are a female-to-female descendant of Temperance Williamson Harris, please consider mtDNA testing or if you have already mtDNA tested, please reach out through the blog and let me know.